Moving On
by LordRevanMandaloreofZutara
Summary: Kira, haunted by the lives he has taken, must find the strength to let go of his first love, and take back his life. For Thawn716.
1. Chapter 1

**Alright, this is my first Gundam Seed fic. It is a reward one-shot, given to Thawn716. But I think I will split it over three chapters. So, here is the beginning. Set one year after GS.

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**"**Depression does not just affect you, it affects your friends and family. But if you believe that it only affects you, then you are a selfish bastard."**

**The Author

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**Moving On  
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**Voices of the Past**

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General POV **

He often hears their voices, or, at least what he assumes are their voices. Every night, as he lays his head down, they come to him. Most of them take the forms of the mobile suits they had been piloting when they die. Some, like Miss Aisha, come in the forms he had last seen them in. Still others, like Rau, are shapeless forms of darkness, dark stars that radiate malevolence like light.

But no matter how they appear, their message is the same. They either scream in agony as he is forced to relive the sequence of events that led to their deaths, or they rail against him, blaming him for their deaths, and the death of their loved ones.

But the one that cuts the most is reliving Flay's death. She, unlike the others, does not rail against him, or blame him in anyway. No, she alone is silent, and that in itself is more terrible then any of Rau's words. Every single night, she is before him, and he is forced to watch as Rau kills her, time after time, after time.

It's these images, more then anything else, that prolongs the depression that had gripped his soul ever since the end of the war. No matter what Lacus, Cagalli, or Athrun did to try and get a rise out of him, he would merely sit in his rocking chair, gazing out at the sea. And though he did not do so on the outside, in the deepest part of Kira's heart, the part where only he exists, he weeps. Not only for himself, but for Flay, for Lacus, for Cagalli, for Athrun, for all who died in the war. He even weeps for Rau, realizing that, in another world, Rau could have been happy.

But despite his outward demeanor, Kira is not oblivious to the effects his depression is having on those around him. He can see it most on the children, who don't try to hide it. They are afraid of him. Afraid of the purple eyed stranger who only sits and stares out at the ocean, who never talks, who hardly moves.

Less obvious, but still easy to tell, is the effect he has on Athrun and Cagalli. Though they rarely come by the orphanage, spending a great deal of time rebuilding Orb and drafting new laws, they come often enough for Kira to see the anger, and despair, building. They despair because of how far he has fallen. They remember how Kira once was, and it breaks their hearts, Athrun's especially, to see Kira little more then a vegetable.

But there is anger there too. Anger at Kira, for allowing himself to go for a year in this state, anger at him for hurting Lacus like he is. Anger at themselves for not finding a way to lift him up.

Both of these cases tear at Kira's heart. To see children afraid of him nearly breaks him. But, to see his best friend and sister at a loss of how to help him threatens to destroy him. But, the worse one is the knowledge of what his depression is doing to Lacus.

Lacus, the girl who had played an integral part in ending the war. Lacus, the girl who had given Kira a ray of hope when he was sinking in the sea of despair. Lacus, the woman who had put her life on hold, just to assist him. Lacus, the woman who loved him with all of her heart. Lacus, the woman who he loved with all of his life.

If causing pain to Athrun, Cagalli, and the children nearly kills him, causing pain to Lacus threatens to send him spiraling into the depths of a hell on earth.

Kira knows what he needs to do. He knows that there is only one option left to him. Yet, to take it would be like betraying a part of his heart. He would forever be closing one chapter of his life. And Kira does not know if he is strong enough to do it.

But, the alternative is to continue on, tearing Lacus' heart apart. And Kira knows he does not have the strength to continue doing that. So, he rises, and begins walking.

"Kira." Lacus' soft voice reaches out to him from behind the screen door.

Kira turns to her, and for the first time in months, smiles. "Don't worry Lacus, I will be back shortly."

"Kira…" Lacus's soft voice does not reach Kira as he resumes his walk down the beach.

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**First chapter is done. So, tell me what you think. This is my first Gundam Seed fic. **

**Till next time,**

**LordRevanGrandMasteroftheJedi**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Seed or anything else. Nor am I making a profit off of this.**


	2. Grave Side Confessions

**"But Lady Cagalli! All he does is sit there, and mope on the past! He is a useless waste of both skill and money. My efforts should be focused here, protecting you and your consort! Not on ensuring that vegetable remains safe!!"**

** Hasroi Dislinja, the leader of the Guard, to Chief Representative Cagalli, on her brother, Kira Yamato.

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****Moving On**

**Grave Side Confessions

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General POV **

Her grave is simple. It is merely a slap of stone, located some five minutes from the Orphanage, in a densely packed section of the forest. Kira is the only one who knows it is there. While Lacus suspects, she does not know for certain.

It is a safe place, where Kira can come when Flay's memory weighs heavily on him. It is place where he can come, and remember the brief time they had spent together. Today, however, is his last visit.

"Flay," Kira begins when he steps up to her gravestone. He stops, for he does not know how to go on. Instead, he is silent, and allows the cool sea breeze to wash over him.

"You were always a complicated person." He continues. "You were rich, you had everything money could buy, but there was always a hole in your heart. Witnessing your father die did little to help fill it.

"It is easy to see now how you manipulated me. Latching on to me, saying kind words to me, comforting me when I needed it the most. All you asked in return was to protect you, protect the Archangel. In the process, if I killed all other Coordinators, then so much the better." Kira allows a trace of bitterness to enter into his voice at this, but then pushes it away. What had happened in the past is done. There is no need to allow bitterness to consume him, or he would never move on.

"Then I began to see that I might have made a mistake, and I left you. You tried to talk to me, that one time, before my last battle with Athrun. I brushed you off. I wonder, what would have happened had I not? Would you have still died? These questions eat at me. If only, if only…" Kira shakes his head.

"Then, at that last battle, I failed to protect you. Like I failed at Mendel Colony. And you died. Even though you told me you would remain with me, I can no longer feel you. There is just a hole, deep inside my heart. I am sorry Flay. I love you, and I always will. But, I need to move on.

"Lacus, she does not deserve the way I have been treating her. She gives and gives and give, never expecting anything in return. That is not right. It is unfair to her. And I can no longer stand to see Athrun and Cagalli in pain. Hasroi hates my guts, and he would not shed a tear to see me drop dead here and now. What I do to him, by making Cagalli suffer, that is not right either.

"So, I guess this is goodbye Flay. I love you, and I always will. But, right now, the living need me more."

As Kira turns to leave, the gravestone cracks, and crumbles. Kira whirls at the sound, and hears her voice.

'Go, and be loved, Kira.' Then Flay is gone, permanently this time.

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**Try as I might, I am having a tough time writing this. I really hate Flay, and to try spin her in positive light is difficult. **

**Till next time,**

**LordRevanGrandMasteroftheJedi**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**


	3. Sunset Confessions

**Moving On**

**Sunset Confessions**

**General POV **

Lacus sat quietly on the steps of the orphanage, awaiting Kira's return. In the year that had followed that last chaotic battle, Lacus had devoted her entirety to helping Kira heal. But, despite her best efforts, Kira had continued to wallow in the depression that had taken him. Nothing she did was enough, and slowly, she had begun to doubt it was even possible for Kira to be healed.

He had never wanted to fight, and being forced to pilot a Gundam repeatedly had not helped his psyche any. Nor had Flay done anything to help Kira. Kira did not know, nor did anyone else, just how much Lacus detested the red-headed natural. Lacus knew it was wrong, to think so of the dead, and especially of Kira's former flame, but she could not help herself. To think about what lengths Flay went to…

Not that it matters now. One way or another, things were going to be decided today. It is something that Lacus has prayed for the past year for. But, now that the moment is at hand, Lacus cannot help but feel sick.

Turning her attention from her own thoughts, Lacus gazes up to see Kira walking slowly toward her. Even at this distance, she can see a change in him. He walks lightly now, seemingly unencumbered by that weight he had been carrying on his back. Without conscious thought, Lacus runs toward him. Without stopping, he opens his arms and takes her into his embrace.

"Oh, Lacus." He murmurs into her hair. "I love you, I love you, I love you." He repeats, tears flowing from amethyst eyes.

"I love you too Kira." Eyes the color of the sky unleash the flood gates, and long suppressed tears come streaming down her cheeks.

They stay like that for a time, not moving, not caring who sees them. Then, Kira pulls back, and gives Lacus a small smile. "I've moved on Lacus."

"You mean?" Lacus sniffles slightly.

"Yes. Flay, I will always love her. But, she is dead. And I will no longer be the cause of your pain." Kira states.

"But, you haven't…" Lacus quiets down when Kira's finger is placed on her lip.

"No. I have caused you a great deal of pain over this past year. You, and Cagalli and Athrun. Hasroi too, though his pain is more a reflection of Cagalli. And I am tired of causing that pain. So, now Lacus, if you will still have me, I am yours. Now and forever."

This being of the most romantic things Kira has ever said, causes Lacus to cry again, and she buries her head in his chest, tears of joy streaming down her cheeks.

"Yes, Kira." She hiccups slightly. "Yes. For now, and for always." Then, she raises her head, and the two seal their love in kiss.

Some miles away, yellow eyes watch in satisfaction through the cameras of his Mobile Suit. "About damn time, you selfish bastard." Hasroi comments before turning, and proceeding back to the Palace. While Hasroi did not give a damn about Kira, he is pleased to be able to report to his mistress that her idiot brother was finally moving on.

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**Alright, this is the end. I hope everyone who read it liked it. I may do another story taking off where this one left off in the future, but I don't know. Thanks for the reviews. **

**Till next time,**

**LordRevanGrandMasteroftheJedi**

**Reply to Reviewers**

**Thawn716: I hope you enjoyed that. I am glad that I am done. Now, onto more Avatar.**

**Victor: Thank you for the reviews.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Seed, nor do I make any money off of this. **

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